from My buddy Ed Baynard (an amazing artist who used to live with the Beatles) :
I just got back from a
pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the
airport.
* I've been in love with
the same woman for
49 years! If my wife
ever finds out, she'll
kill me!
* What are three
words a woman never
wants to hear when
she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all
my credit cards but I
won't be reporting it.
The thief spends less
than my wife did.
* We always hold
hands. If I let go, she
shops.
* My wife and I went
back to the hotel
where we spent our
wedding night;
only this time I stayed
in the bathroom and
cried.
* My wife and I went to
a hotel where we got a
waterbed.
My wife called it the
Dead Sea ..
* She was at the
beauty shop for two
hours. That was only
for the estimate.
She got a mudpack
and looked great for
two days. Then the
mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a
man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay
his bill so the doctor
gave him another six
months.
* The Doctor called
Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your
check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered,
"So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to
be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did
I tell you?"
* Patient: "I have a
ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front
of a judge.
The judge says,
"You've been brought
here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay,
let's get started."
* Why do Jewish
divorces cost so
much?
They're worth it.
The Harvard School of
Medicine did a study
of why Jewish women
like Chinese food so
much.
The study revealed
that this is due to the
fact that Won Ton
spelled backward is
Not Now.
There is a big
controversy on the
Jewish view of when
life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the
fetus is not considered
viable until it
graduates from
medical school.
Q: Why don't Jewish
mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes
with their suffering.
.
Q: Why do Jewish
mothers make great
parole officers?
A: They never let
anyone finish a
sentence!
A man called his
mother in Florida ,
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said
the mother.. "I've been
very weak."
The son said, "Why
are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I
haven't eaten in 38
days."
The son says, "That's
terrible. Why haven't
you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers,
"Because I didn't want
my mouth to be full of
food if you called."
A Jewish boy comes
home from school and
tells his mother he has
a part in the play.
She asks, "What part
is it?"
The boy says, "I play
the part of the Jewish
husband."
"The mother scowls
and says, "Go back
and tell the teacher
you want a speaking
part."
Q: How many Jewish
mothers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't
bother. I'll sit in the
dark. I don't want to be
a nuisance to
anybody."
Short summary of
every Jewish
holiday:
They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let's eat.
Did you hear about the
bum who walked up to
a Jewish mother on
the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten
in three days."
"Force yourself," she
replied.
Q: What's the
difference between a
Rottweiler and a
Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the
Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish
men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish
women don't like
anything that Isn't 20%
off.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sue Bilich's Bread Machine Challah Recipe
Sue Bilich: Mother of Steve, did not know Sylvana , but her talented son Steve did. Steve actually worked as one of Sylvana's actors when she cast people for trial lawyers t read transcripts. Steve is an award-winning writer/director and actor who hails from Austin , Texas. "SueB" is also a talented actress and a creative soul. Namaste..
BREAD MACHINE CHALLAH
Ingredients:
1 cup warm water
½ c white sugar (I use ¼ c sugar and ¼ c honey)
½ c veg. oil ( use 1/3 c applesauce and the remaining amt. oil)
2 ½ tsp. salt (you can use less salt if you like)
2 eggs (room temp)
4 cups bread flour
2 ¼ tsp. bread machine yeast
1 egg, beaten
1 tblsp. Water
@ ½ tsp. honey (egg, water & honey is mixed tog. , and put on top of bread before baking to give crust a luster)
Sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds
1. Place warm water, sugar, honey, veg. oil, salt, 2 eggs, flour and yeast in the bread machine pan. Select dough cycle (9), press start.
2. After the machine is done, take the dough out, and place it on a very lightly floured board, punch the dough down, and let rest for 5 min.
3. Divide the dough in half. Then divide into 3 equal pieces, roll into ropes about 12 to 14 in., and braid into a loaf. Do the same with the remaining other half. Gently put the loaves on a greased cookie sheet, mist with water, cover loosely with
2-
plastic wrap, and let rise for 1 to ½ hours in a warm, draft free place, until double in size.
4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F in a small bowl, beat tog. the other egg mixture.
5. Brush risen loaves with the egg mixture, bake in preheated oven for @ 20 to 25 min. If it begins to brown too soon, cover with foil.
6. ENJOY!
BREAD MACHINE CHALLAH
Ingredients:
1 cup warm water
½ c white sugar (I use ¼ c sugar and ¼ c honey)
½ c veg. oil ( use 1/3 c applesauce and the remaining amt. oil)
2 ½ tsp. salt (you can use less salt if you like)
2 eggs (room temp)
4 cups bread flour
2 ¼ tsp. bread machine yeast
1 egg, beaten
1 tblsp. Water
@ ½ tsp. honey (egg, water & honey is mixed tog. , and put on top of bread before baking to give crust a luster)
Sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds
1. Place warm water, sugar, honey, veg. oil, salt, 2 eggs, flour and yeast in the bread machine pan. Select dough cycle (9), press start.
2. After the machine is done, take the dough out, and place it on a very lightly floured board, punch the dough down, and let rest for 5 min.
3. Divide the dough in half. Then divide into 3 equal pieces, roll into ropes about 12 to 14 in., and braid into a loaf. Do the same with the remaining other half. Gently put the loaves on a greased cookie sheet, mist with water, cover loosely with
2-
plastic wrap, and let rise for 1 to ½ hours in a warm, draft free place, until double in size.
4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F in a small bowl, beat tog. the other egg mixture.
5. Brush risen loaves with the egg mixture, bake in preheated oven for @ 20 to 25 min. If it begins to brown too soon, cover with foil.
6. ENJOY!
Friday, October 14, 2011
More Zorro Quotes
Happy new year 5772. Had a great Break The Fast with the Posner Clan at Jessica and Issac's home IN NJ. Met their new granddaughter Callie. Jessica's "mixture" rivaled the best ever, as did her kugle (I will have to get her to give us the recipes for this blog). Aunt Alice will be 98 on Thanksgiving Day. Happy Birthday , Aunt Alice!! Keep swinging! (she is still sharp as a tack and read the NY Times cover to cover every day). Katie and Chris are expecting (and will make amazing , loving parents). Max is looking forward to having Chinese baby cousins. Swayzee and Brian are engaged (its about time Brian). The Wedding is December 2012.
Max is knee deep in his Nickelodeon series (HOW TO ROCK) and is co-writing some amazing new songs (42 in past 2 months). The show will probably launch in Jan/Feb. of 2012.
Cooper Grodin is about to open his new musical (ZORRO) in Shanghai and then take it on a worldwide tour. He plays the lead (Zorro). I found out we have Spanish blood in the family, so it is appropriate for Cooper to play Zorro.
and now for the new Zorro quote:
Alejandro Murrieta: Do you surrender?
Elena: Never, but I may scream.
Alejandro Murrieta: I understand. Sometimes I have that effect.
Keep swinging,
Dan
Max is knee deep in his Nickelodeon series (HOW TO ROCK) and is co-writing some amazing new songs (42 in past 2 months). The show will probably launch in Jan/Feb. of 2012.
Cooper Grodin is about to open his new musical (ZORRO) in Shanghai and then take it on a worldwide tour. He plays the lead (Zorro). I found out we have Spanish blood in the family, so it is appropriate for Cooper to play Zorro.
and now for the new Zorro quote:
Alejandro Murrieta: Do you surrender?
Elena: Never, but I may scream.
Alejandro Murrieta: I understand. Sometimes I have that effect.
Keep swinging,
Dan
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Zorro Quotes- a new section of the Cookbook
In honor of my Cousin Cooper landing a lead (as ZORRO) in the new world tour of the new musical ZORRO, I will be posting my favorite quotes from the 1998 film on the same legend (I loved that film). If Cooper's live musical is half as good, and I know it will be, he will be a major star soon. We are all proud!! ..Go Cooper!!
Today's quote:"Don Diego de la Vega: You have passion, Alejandro, and your skill is growing. But to
enter Montero's world, I must give you something which is completely beyond your
reach.
Alejandro Murrieta: Ah, yes? And what is that?
Don Diego de la Vega: Charm."
Today's quote:"Don Diego de la Vega: You have passion, Alejandro, and your skill is growing. But to
enter Montero's world, I must give you something which is completely beyond your
reach.
Alejandro Murrieta: Ah, yes? And what is that?
Don Diego de la Vega: Charm."
Sunday, July 3, 2011
July 4th weekend 2011
Well its not a "beach day" today in NY, but tomorrow looks good.
Andrea was not a relative, as far as I know, but sounds like a cool lady..(I especially like the: " Can be frozen" at the end of the recipe)
Please send me any jokes or recipes you may have for my cookbook/jokebook (*
sylvanacookbook*.blogspot.com)
Happy 4th!
Cheers,
Danny
With great sorrow and deepest affection, Zabar's announces the passing of
our creative director, Andrea Watman, on June 14, 2011. Andrea was an
employee of Zabar's for over 30 years. In addition to being our creative
director, Andrea was head of our customer service department, our catering
department, and all signage and graphics.
She was also responsible for heading up Zabar's award winning mail-order
catalog, which was her pride and joy. All of this was done with a smile on
her face and a sense of humor no matter what the situation. Andrea was loved
and adored by all of us at Zabar's, and the love and caring that she gave to
us all will be terribly missed and felt by us all.
Andrea was not just a loyal and dedicated employee but a true friend, a
confidant, and a mother to us all. We will miss her dearly. Andrea is
survived by her loving family, sister Joy Segal, brother-in-law Alan Segal,
and nephews Ben and Sam, the loves of her life.
My sister Joy and I spent summers with our grandparents in Long Beach, NY.
We had a four bedroom bungalow on Georgia Avenue (four bedrooms, an indoor
toilet, outside shower, no closets and just a few termites).
It was in that kitchen I learned to cook by watching my Grandma make dinner.
Sunday’s were always exciting. Our relatives would journey out to “the
beach” from the Bronx – actually they never went to the beach, but they did
breath in the ocean air.
Now – most families would barbecue – but not at my house. My grandmother
hated the barbecue – it was never clean enough, she hated the flavor or the
charcoal and lighter fluid and yes, she knew sooner or later we would set
the house on fire.
She would crack out the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner, in the trusted blue
box, and make the best Tuna Casserole ever. She baked it in the afternoon so
that the kitchen would cool before we ate. She would slice cucumbers and
fresh tomatoes – and dinner was served.
I no longer use the blue box – but this is her recipe, just slightly
updated.
Enjoy!
*View a print ready
page.
*
*Serves at least 12 hungry people.*
*Ingredients:*
2 Pounds De Cecco Elbow Macaroni
2 Cans Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
8 Large Eggs
1 Large Bag Frozen Peas
1 Large Sweet Onion - Finely Minced
½ Cup Mayonnaise
2 Large Cans Solid White Tuna – in Water
4 Cups Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Fontina Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Mozzarella
Corn Oil for the Pan
Corn Flake Crumbs or Bread Crumbs for Topping
(I really prefer the corn flake crumbs – you should be able to find them
near the bread crumbs in your local supermarket. Its not corn flake cereal –
it is a box of corn flake crumbs)
*Preparation
*Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook pasta according to the
directions on the box. Do not overcook. You want the pasta to be firm since
it is going to be baked. Drain well.
In a large bowl add the tuna (drain and discard water then mash with a fork
to break apart) mushroom soup, frozen peas, mayonnaise, minced onion,
lightly beaten eggs, and shredded cheese. (Yes, you can use the packages of
shredded cheese – but fresh cheese really makes a big difference). Mix well
and add drained pasta then mix thoroughly too evenly distribute tuna mixture
and pasta.
Add a few teaspoons of oil to bottom of a large lasagna pot – or large
disposable aluminum roasting pan. Add pasta mixture – sprinkle corn flakes
crumbs on top for crunch - and bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 50-60
minutes or until bubbly and golden brown. Please Note: Because of the eggs
the casserole will raise slightly while cooking so I usually bake on a
cookie sheet to prevent a sticky oven mess.
Allow to cool at least 20 minutes before serving.
Serve warm, serve room temperature – just enjoy!
CAN BE FROZEN!
PS: You can omit the peas, you can add carrots, you can use cheddar cheese
only or substitute your favorite cheese. You can use celery not onion. You
can omit one can of soup and add a can of unsweetened condensed milk (or
unsweetened evaporated milk), use can even change the shape of the pasta –
the one thing you can not do to this recipe is mess it up!
Andrea was not a relative, as far as I know, but sounds like a cool lady..(I especially like the: " Can be frozen" at the end of the recipe)
Please send me any jokes or recipes you may have for my cookbook/jokebook (*
sylvanacookbook*.blogspot.com)
Happy 4th!
Cheers,
Danny
With great sorrow and deepest affection, Zabar's announces the passing of
our creative director, Andrea Watman, on June 14, 2011. Andrea was an
employee of Zabar's for over 30 years. In addition to being our creative
director, Andrea was head of our customer service department, our catering
department, and all signage and graphics.
She was also responsible for heading up Zabar's award winning mail-order
catalog, which was her pride and joy. All of this was done with a smile on
her face and a sense of humor no matter what the situation. Andrea was loved
and adored by all of us at Zabar's, and the love and caring that she gave to
us all will be terribly missed and felt by us all.
Andrea was not just a loyal and dedicated employee but a true friend, a
confidant, and a mother to us all. We will miss her dearly. Andrea is
survived by her loving family, sister Joy Segal, brother-in-law Alan Segal,
and nephews Ben and Sam, the loves of her life.
My sister Joy and I spent summers with our grandparents in Long Beach, NY.
We had a four bedroom bungalow on Georgia Avenue (four bedrooms, an indoor
toilet, outside shower, no closets and just a few termites).
It was in that kitchen I learned to cook by watching my Grandma make dinner.
Sunday’s were always exciting. Our relatives would journey out to “the
beach” from the Bronx – actually they never went to the beach, but they did
breath in the ocean air.
Now – most families would barbecue – but not at my house. My grandmother
hated the barbecue – it was never clean enough, she hated the flavor or the
charcoal and lighter fluid and yes, she knew sooner or later we would set
the house on fire.
She would crack out the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner, in the trusted blue
box, and make the best Tuna Casserole ever. She baked it in the afternoon so
that the kitchen would cool before we ate. She would slice cucumbers and
fresh tomatoes – and dinner was served.
I no longer use the blue box – but this is her recipe, just slightly
updated.
Enjoy!
*View a print ready
page.
*
*Serves at least 12 hungry people.*
*Ingredients:*
2 Pounds De Cecco Elbow Macaroni
2 Cans Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
8 Large Eggs
1 Large Bag Frozen Peas
1 Large Sweet Onion - Finely Minced
½ Cup Mayonnaise
2 Large Cans Solid White Tuna – in Water
4 Cups Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Fontina Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Mozzarella
Corn Oil for the Pan
Corn Flake Crumbs or Bread Crumbs for Topping
(I really prefer the corn flake crumbs – you should be able to find them
near the bread crumbs in your local supermarket. Its not corn flake cereal –
it is a box of corn flake crumbs)
*Preparation
*Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook pasta according to the
directions on the box. Do not overcook. You want the pasta to be firm since
it is going to be baked. Drain well.
In a large bowl add the tuna (drain and discard water then mash with a fork
to break apart) mushroom soup, frozen peas, mayonnaise, minced onion,
lightly beaten eggs, and shredded cheese. (Yes, you can use the packages of
shredded cheese – but fresh cheese really makes a big difference). Mix well
and add drained pasta then mix thoroughly too evenly distribute tuna mixture
and pasta.
Add a few teaspoons of oil to bottom of a large lasagna pot – or large
disposable aluminum roasting pan. Add pasta mixture – sprinkle corn flakes
crumbs on top for crunch - and bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 50-60
minutes or until bubbly and golden brown. Please Note: Because of the eggs
the casserole will raise slightly while cooking so I usually bake on a
cookie sheet to prevent a sticky oven mess.
Allow to cool at least 20 minutes before serving.
Serve warm, serve room temperature – just enjoy!
CAN BE FROZEN!
PS: You can omit the peas, you can add carrots, you can use cheddar cheese
only or substitute your favorite cheese. You can use celery not onion. You
can omit one can of soup and add a can of unsweetened condensed milk (or
unsweetened evaporated milk), use can even change the shape of the pasta –
the one thing you can not do to this recipe is mess it up!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Dad's Favorite Chicken
Makes 6 servings of Leon's Chicken Paprikash
(serve with scotch on the rocks as a beverage)
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 95 minutes
Total Time: 115 minutes
Ingredients:
3 1/2 pounds chicken pieces, skin on, rinsed and patted dry
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons rendered chicken fat (shmaltz, see below) or vegetable oil
1 medium chopped onion
Water to cover
2 teaspoons sweet Hungarian paprika
2 cups long-grain rice, soaked in cold water 30 minutes and drained
4 cups hot liquid (water from the simmered chicken plus chicken broth)
Preparation:
Generously season both sides of chicken pieces with salt and pepper and let sit while you saute the onions.
In a large lidded skillet, heat shmaltz or oil, and saute onions til light golden brown. Remove from skillet and place in a lidded casserole dish or Dutch oven.
Brown chicken pieces on all sides in same skillet onion was sauteed in. Move some chicken pieces aside and add the paprika and cook 30 seconds to toast it slightly. Then add water to almost cover the chicken, mixing in with the paprika. Cover and simmer on low for 1 hour.
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Place soaked, rinsed and drained rice in same casserole dish or Dutch oven as sauted onions. Measure the liquid from the simmering chicken and add chicken broth to make 4 cups of liquid. Pour over the rice, mixing well.
Place cooked chicken on top of the rice, cover and bake 30 minutes. Uncover casserole or Dutch oven and cook another 5 minutes. Serve hot with a green vegetable.
(serve with scotch on the rocks as a beverage)
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 95 minutes
Total Time: 115 minutes
Ingredients:
3 1/2 pounds chicken pieces, skin on, rinsed and patted dry
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons rendered chicken fat (shmaltz, see below) or vegetable oil
1 medium chopped onion
Water to cover
2 teaspoons sweet Hungarian paprika
2 cups long-grain rice, soaked in cold water 30 minutes and drained
4 cups hot liquid (water from the simmered chicken plus chicken broth)
Preparation:
Generously season both sides of chicken pieces with salt and pepper and let sit while you saute the onions.
In a large lidded skillet, heat shmaltz or oil, and saute onions til light golden brown. Remove from skillet and place in a lidded casserole dish or Dutch oven.
Brown chicken pieces on all sides in same skillet onion was sauteed in. Move some chicken pieces aside and add the paprika and cook 30 seconds to toast it slightly. Then add water to almost cover the chicken, mixing in with the paprika. Cover and simmer on low for 1 hour.
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Place soaked, rinsed and drained rice in same casserole dish or Dutch oven as sauted onions. Measure the liquid from the simmering chicken and add chicken broth to make 4 cups of liquid. Pour over the rice, mixing well.
Place cooked chicken on top of the rice, cover and bake 30 minutes. Uncover casserole or Dutch oven and cook another 5 minutes. Serve hot with a green vegetable.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Big Mack Disclosure
In the interest of full disclosure, Dr. Iris Mack does not want to claim creation of the aforesaid recipe for "The Big Mack" (my name for the Carrot Rice Nut Burger), so here is the true source:
The Carrot Rice Nut Burger recipe is not mine. I got it from here - http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/carrot-rice-nut-burger/Detail.aspx
as far as my posted jokes go, I stole (or borrowed) them all.. (I admit it) but here is an original:
"Have you heard about the new Kosher Sushi restaurant on Columbus Ave.?
Its called " So Sue Mi"..."
The Carrot Rice Nut Burger recipe is not mine. I got it from here - http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/carrot-rice-nut-burger/Detail.aspx
as far as my posted jokes go, I stole (or borrowed) them all.. (I admit it) but here is an original:
"Have you heard about the new Kosher Sushi restaurant on Columbus Ave.?
Its called " So Sue Mi"..."
New Recipe: The Big Mack
A healthy recipe from my new friend and advisor Dr. Iris Mack (she is already becoming a major contributor to the Cookbook/Jokebook). Thanks Iris!!
Cheers,
Dan
Carrot Rice Nut Burger
Prep Time:
1 Hr Cook Time:
1 Hr 30 Min Ready In:
2 Hrs 30 Min
Servings (Help)
USMetricCalculate
Original Recipe Yield 20 servings
Ingredients
3 cups uncooked brown rice
6 cups water
1 cup toasted cashews
1 pound toasted unsalted sunflower seeds
1 sweet onion, chopped
6 carrots, chopped
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
salt to taste
Directions
In a large pot, bring the rice and water to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 45 minutes.
Preheat the grill for high heat.
Using a food processor, grind the toasted cashews and sunflower seeds to a fine meal. Transfer to a large bowl. Pulse the onion and carrots in the food processor until finely shredded, and mix with the ground nuts. Place the cooked rice and olive oil in the food processor, and pulse until smooth. Mix into the bowl. Season with salt. Form the mixture into patties.
Oil the grill grate. Grill the patties 6 to 8 minutes on each side, until nicely browned.
Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 270 | Total Fat: 16.2g | Cholesterol: 0mg
Cheers,
Dan
Carrot Rice Nut Burger
Prep Time:
1 Hr Cook Time:
1 Hr 30 Min Ready In:
2 Hrs 30 Min
Servings (Help)
USMetricCalculate
Original Recipe Yield 20 servings
Ingredients
3 cups uncooked brown rice
6 cups water
1 cup toasted cashews
1 pound toasted unsalted sunflower seeds
1 sweet onion, chopped
6 carrots, chopped
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
salt to taste
Directions
In a large pot, bring the rice and water to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 45 minutes.
Preheat the grill for high heat.
Using a food processor, grind the toasted cashews and sunflower seeds to a fine meal. Transfer to a large bowl. Pulse the onion and carrots in the food processor until finely shredded, and mix with the ground nuts. Place the cooked rice and olive oil in the food processor, and pulse until smooth. Mix into the bowl. Season with salt. Form the mixture into patties.
Oil the grill grate. Grill the patties 6 to 8 minutes on each side, until nicely browned.
Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 270 | Total Fat: 16.2g | Cholesterol: 0mg
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Recipe for Caponata from Emily Ring
Ingredients:
2 medium eggplants cut into 1/2 inch cubes not peeled
2 large onions chopped small
4 or 5 ribs of celery diced
1 10 oz jar of Spanish olives
1/2 of 4 oz jar of capers
1 can of redpack unpeeled crushed tomatoes 28 oz
Black pepper to taste
Olive oil to saute
1/2 cup wine vinegar and 1/4 cup sugar
Process:
Soak egg plant in cold salted water for 1/2 hr. (put a heavy dish on top so eggplant stays under water)
1/2 cup wine vinegar and 1/4 cup sugar
In a large heavy pot saute eggplant until it gets clear, a little at a time.
Remove from pot and set-aside.
IN the same pot add oil as needed and saute the celery until it gets a little soft.
Add onions, tomatoes and let it cook a little longer (about 10 minutes)
Add eggplants and cook about 12 minutes, then
Add capers and olives and cook 5 minutes longer.
Put vinegar and sugar in a small pot and heat until the sugar dissolves
Add top main pot, stir well and let it cook 2 minutes.. DONE
then let it cool , put in refrigerator, do not eat until next day. Good for 2 weeks.
-Emilia D'Alessandro
2 medium eggplants cut into 1/2 inch cubes not peeled
2 large onions chopped small
4 or 5 ribs of celery diced
1 10 oz jar of Spanish olives
1/2 of 4 oz jar of capers
1 can of redpack unpeeled crushed tomatoes 28 oz
Black pepper to taste
Olive oil to saute
1/2 cup wine vinegar and 1/4 cup sugar
Process:
Soak egg plant in cold salted water for 1/2 hr. (put a heavy dish on top so eggplant stays under water)
1/2 cup wine vinegar and 1/4 cup sugar
In a large heavy pot saute eggplant until it gets clear, a little at a time.
Remove from pot and set-aside.
IN the same pot add oil as needed and saute the celery until it gets a little soft.
Add onions, tomatoes and let it cook a little longer (about 10 minutes)
Add eggplants and cook about 12 minutes, then
Add capers and olives and cook 5 minutes longer.
Put vinegar and sugar in a small pot and heat until the sugar dissolves
Add top main pot, stir well and let it cook 2 minutes.. DONE
then let it cool , put in refrigerator, do not eat until next day. Good for 2 weeks.
-Emilia D'Alessandro
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New Joke from John Milberg
Paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian (from the Greek meaning 'beyond expectation')
is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener
to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
A few good ones.....
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
my list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
* A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
wish they were.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
A paraprosdokian (from the Greek meaning 'beyond expectation')
is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener
to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
A few good ones.....
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
my list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
* A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
wish they were.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
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