Jessica's Mixture & Cream Recipe

Jessica’s Mixture & Cream (Break the Fast) Recipe (feeds 40) 1 lb Cottage Cheese 2 lbs Pot Cheese 1 lb. Yogurt 2-3 lbs Sour Cream 6 onions 6 (or more) kirby cukes 2 bunches of radishes Salt & Pepper

Charlotte’s Honey Cake (for Rosh Hashanah)9/18/20 Cooking spray- spray pan 3 ½ cups of flour 1 tablespoon baking powder 1 tablespoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground cloves ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg 1 cup canola oil 1 cup honey 1 ½ cups white sugar ½ cup brown sugar 3 eggs 1 cup strong coffee (add more if you like) ½ cup orange juice ¼ cup whiskey (add more if you like) Mix together in separate bowl: flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg. Mix together canola oil, honey, white and brown sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, coffee, orange juice, whisky. Beat flour mixture into honey mixture until batter thoroughly incorporated Bake on upper shelf of oven at 350 degrees For 10 inch fluted bundt pan-about I hour until toothpick comes out clean (I use 2 smaller ones and bake for half hour)

RIP Robin Williams(1951-2014). One of the greatest comedic minds of our generation. So sad that someone who made so many people laugh was so depressed. Life is too short. For resources on depression and suicide prevention, go to www.save.org. In memory of Robin Williams’ passing, here are 50 of some of his greatest jokes. 1. “If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?” 2. “The Second Amendment: It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!” 3. “We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.” 4. “Oy! Ten thousand years in a tin can will give you such a crick in the neck!” — as Genie in “Aladdin” (1992) 5. “Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.” — as Tim Dobbs in “Man of the Year” (2006) 6. “I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21. I was so bad, she gave me a refund.” 7. “I will be there as soon as I can! You have to give me a more specific location, you are a big country. You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.” — Reddit AMA response to a fan asking if he’d come to Canada to hug them. 8. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” 9. “Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.” 10. “They said that marijuana was a ‘performance-enhancing drug.’ Marijuana enhances many things — colors, tastes, sensations, but you are certainly not f - - king empowered. When you’re stoned, you’re lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it’s a performance-enhancing drug is if there’s a big f - - king Hershey bar at the end of the run.” 11. “The other people that came out against gay marriage were the Mormons . . . They used to perfect polygamy. A Mormon giving marital advice is like the Octomom running a Planned Parenthood clinic.” 12. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” 13. “Inside of you, there’s a fashion model just waiting to throw up.” — As Fender in “Robots” (2005) 14. “My first day as a woman and I’m getting hot flashes.” — as “Mrs. Doubtfire” (1993) 15. “The definition of pornography is quite simple. Erotic is using a feather, pornography is using the entire chicken.” 16. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so — look at the platypus.” [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAp8j4c2LGs&w=640&h=390] 17. “I think God made babies cute so we don’t eat them.” 18. “Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently — and for the same reasons.” — as Tim Dobbs in “Man of the Year” (2006) 19. “Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.” 20. ”Some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of course he was Jewish! Thirty years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift — he’s Jewish! Give it up!” 21. “Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer — you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.” 22. “It’s more inbred than an Appalachian encounter group.” — on Los Angeles 23. “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.’” 24. “I wonder what chairs think about all day. ‘Oh, here comes another a - - hole.’ ” 25. “Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.” 26. “I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.” 27. “We’re not laughing at you. We’re laughing near you.” — as John Keating in “Dead Poets Society” 28. “I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.” 29. “It’s not bad enough that they make porn movies, they make porn movies of my movies. They made ‘Good Will Humping.’ It’s okay. ‘Wet Dreams May Cum,’ all right. ‘Snatch Adams?’ That was scary. A clown with a strap-on. F - - k off! You know, ‘Popeye,’ I would watch.” 30. “If you can remember the ’60s, you weren’t there.” 31. “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” 32. “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” 33. “And if we bury you ass up, I have got a place to park my bike.” — as “Patch Adams” 34. “A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.” 35. “You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married say, ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’ ” 36. “You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.” 37. “You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna! … But you keep it all inside.” — as Armand in “The Birdcage” 38. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” 39. “Ballets: men wearing pants so tight you can tell what religion they are.” 40. “Look! The moon, like a testicle, hangs low in the sky.” 41. “Death is nature’s way of saying, ‘Your table’s ready.’ ” From an appearance in Britain with Prince Charles and Camilla in the audience. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N1Cpw10qoo&w=640&h=390] 42. On President Obama’s name: “Obama, which is an old Kenyan word for Kennedy, God bless us.” 43. On the end of the George Bush presidency: “It’s the end of the reign of George the Second. The reign of error is over. America is officially out of rehab.” 44. On the American economy: “And you can’t blame the economy on [George W. Bush]. They say the economy is essentially sound because people are considering buying things. That’s like saying fat people are healthy because they might exercise.” 45. “Where did they get Sarah Palin? . . . Did Ronald Reagan have a kid with Posh Spice? It’s like she came from some reality show — ‘Project Running Mate.’” 46. “We’ll never have a sex scandal with Jack [Nicholson]. He’s done everybody. I had Angelina Jolie and afterward she adopted me.” 47. “And you’ll never have a drug scandal. Jack’s [Nicholson] done every drug known to mankind. He’s the only guy in the world where Keith Richards will go, ‘I have to go home now, Jack.’” [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOrFTLK9heg&w=640&h=390] 48. From the “Mork & Mindy” pilot, 1978: Mindy: “How do you say ‘Thank you’ in your language?” Mork: “We spit.” Mindy: “Mind if I don’t say thank you?” Mork: “No sweat off my front.” 49. Mork: “I was a test-tube baby. My father was an eye-dropper, the scum. He ran off with a bottle of nose drops.” 50. Mork: “Why a man dates a woman?” Fonzie: “Don’t men date on your planet?” Mork: “Hard to tell. Parts are interchangeable.”

Lisa’s Kosher Cookies (for Passover) Lisa is a SVP for a major entertainment company in LA. I met her through her BFF , who is the wife of my BFF. A fellow New Yorker , transplanted to LA many years before I came, she told me when we first met: “If you think you’re enlightened, try sitting in rush hour traffic on the 405”. Lisa is very smart and funny. She is not only a great cook, but a great skier and has a great sense of humor. Thank you Lisa for sharing this cool recipe and for helping me understand LaLa Land. Recipe: Ingredients: (mix dry first) 1 cup Matzoh Farfel 1 cup Matzoh Meal 1 cup sugar ½ cup raisens ½ cup nuts ½ tsp salt (then add): ½ cup oil 2 eggs Cook at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.. Enjoy!!

Old Jewish Catskill Comedy Jokes

from My buddy Ed Baynard (an amazing artist who used to live with the Beatles) :


I just got back from a
pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the
airport.

* I've been in love with
the same woman for
49 years! If my wife
ever finds out, she'll
kill me!

* What are three
words a woman never
wants to hear when
she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"

* Someone stole all
my credit cards but I
won't be reporting it.
The thief spends less
than my wife did.

* We always hold
hands. If I let go, she
shops.

* My wife and I went
back to the hotel
where we spent our
wedding night;
only this time I stayed
in the bathroom and
cried.

* My wife and I went to
a hotel where we got a
waterbed.
My wife called it the
Dead Sea ..

* She was at the
beauty shop for two
hours. That was only
for the estimate.
She got a mudpack
and looked great for
two days. Then the
mud fell off.

* The Doctor gave a
man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay
his bill so the doctor
gave him another six
months.

* The Doctor called
Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your
check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered,
"So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor: "You'll live to
be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did
I tell you?"

* Patient: "I have a
ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

* A drunk was in front
of a judge.
The judge says,
"You've been brought
here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay,
let's get started."

* Why do Jewish
divorces cost so
much?
They're worth it.

The Harvard School of
Medicine did a study
of why Jewish women
like Chinese food so
much.
The study revealed
that this is due to the
fact that Won Ton
spelled backward is
Not Now.

There is a big
controversy on the
Jewish view of when
life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the
fetus is not considered
viable until it
graduates from
medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish
mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes
with their suffering.
.
Q: Why do Jewish
mothers make great
parole officers?
A: They never let
anyone finish a
sentence!

A man called his
mother in Florida ,
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said
the mother.. "I've been
very weak."
The son said, "Why
are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I
haven't eaten in 38
days."
The son says, "That's
terrible. Why haven't
you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers,
"Because I didn't want
my mouth to be full of
food if you called."

A Jewish boy comes
home from school and
tells his mother he has
a part in the play.
She asks, "What part
is it?"
The boy says, "I play
the part of the Jewish
husband."
"The mother scowls
and says, "Go back
and tell the teacher
you want a speaking
part."

Q: How many Jewish
mothers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't
bother. I'll sit in the
dark. I don't want to be
a nuisance to
anybody."

Short summary of
every Jewish
holiday:
They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let's eat.

Did you hear about the
bum who walked up to
a Jewish mother on
the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten
in three days."
"Force yourself," she
replied.

Q: What's the
difference between a
Rottweiler and a
Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the
Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish
men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish
women don't like
anything that Isn't 20%
off.

Sue Bilich's Bread Machine Challah Recipe

Sue Bilich: Mother of Steve, did not know Sylvana , but her talented son Steve did. Steve actually worked as one of Sylvana's actors when she cast people for trial lawyers t read transcripts. Steve is an award-winning writer/director and actor who hails from Austin , Texas. "SueB" is also a talented actress and a creative soul. Namaste..


BREAD MACHINE CHALLAH

Ingredients:
1 cup warm water
½ c white sugar (I use ¼ c sugar and ¼ c honey)
½ c veg. oil ( use 1/3 c applesauce and the remaining amt. oil)
2 ½ tsp. salt (you can use less salt if you like)
2 eggs (room temp)
4 cups bread flour
2 ¼ tsp. bread machine yeast

1 egg, beaten
1 tblsp. Water
@ ½ tsp. honey (egg, water & honey is mixed tog. , and put on top of bread before baking to give crust a luster)
Sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds
1. Place warm water, sugar, honey, veg. oil, salt, 2 eggs, flour and yeast in the bread machine pan. Select dough cycle (9), press start.
2. After the machine is done, take the dough out, and place it on a very lightly floured board, punch the dough down, and let rest for 5 min.
3. Divide the dough in half. Then divide into 3 equal pieces, roll into ropes about 12 to 14 in., and braid into a loaf. Do the same with the remaining other half. Gently put the loaves on a greased cookie sheet, mist with water, cover loosely with
2-
plastic wrap, and let rise for 1 to ½ hours in a warm, draft free place, until double in size.
4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F in a small bowl, beat tog. the other egg mixture.
5. Brush risen loaves with the egg mixture, bake in preheated oven for @ 20 to 25 min. If it begins to brown too soon, cover with foil.
6. ENJOY!

More Zorro Quotes

Happy new year 5772. Had a great Break The Fast with the Posner Clan at Jessica and Issac's home IN NJ. Met their new granddaughter Callie. Jessica's "mixture" rivaled the best ever, as did her kugle (I will have to get her to give us the recipes for this blog). Aunt Alice will be 98 on Thanksgiving Day. Happy Birthday , Aunt Alice!! Keep swinging! (she is still sharp as a tack and read the NY Times cover to cover every day). Katie and Chris are expecting (and will make amazing , loving parents). Max is looking forward to having Chinese baby cousins. Swayzee and Brian are engaged (its about time Brian). The Wedding is December 2012.
Max is knee deep in his Nickelodeon series (HOW TO ROCK) and is co-writing some amazing new songs (42 in past 2 months). The show will probably launch in Jan/Feb. of 2012.
Cooper Grodin is about to open his new musical (ZORRO) in Shanghai and then take it on a worldwide tour. He plays the lead (Zorro). I found out we have Spanish blood in the family, so it is appropriate for Cooper to play Zorro.

and now for the new Zorro quote:

Alejandro Murrieta: Do you surrender?
Elena: Never, but I may scream.
Alejandro Murrieta: I understand. Sometimes I have that effect.

Keep swinging,
Dan